Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if the coronavirus pandemic never existed. 

It is amazing to think that it has changed the course of everyone’s lives, no matter where they live or what their social status is. Even if they did not lose a loved one to covid-19, everyone is somehow psychologically affected by the fear of this illness, as well as the loss of time with loved ones or even strangers in a public place.

In the first half of March 2020, I was the happiest I had ever been. I was getting everything I ever wanted out of my college experience. I had amazing friends, I was involved in fun and fulfilling organizations and I was proud of the grades I was getting. 

I was looking forward to Fall 2020 when I would study abroad in Belgium. I would take classes, intern with the European Parliament and visit a new city every weekend. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. After being a high schooler who never “put myself out there” and was generally bored, I couldn’t believe this was my life. 

Then, when I was in the middle of another adventure in rural Virginia on the Appalachian Experience (APEX), the world shut down. 

I was in denial for months. 

I thought we would be back in-person before the end of the semester; I thought the world would be normal enough for me to study abroad. When I realized I couldn’t go abroad, I could at least make the most of a normal semester where I could be in crowds and have a daily routine that wasn’t just logging onto different Zoom calls. 

As the pandemic worsened, I lost a full year of an authentic college experience. Even though I am so thankful that my senior year has been as normal as it can be, over the past year, I have lost the contentment that I had pre-pandemic and I’ve regressed on the progress that I have made with my mental health.

I don’t have a “woe is me” attitude, thinking that I have been affected the worst out of anyone in this deadly pandemic. But I believe it is important for everyone to reflect on where they were pre-pandemic and where they are now. 

It’s okay to not be okay after everything that happened, especially as a college student who lost one of the only four years when they get to have the freedom of an adult without all of the responsibility.