A satirical take on spring break

In a darkened bedroom, in the early hours of the morning last week, local college student Ralph Johnson discovered a fascinating and seemingly inexplicable trend through his Instagram account.

“I didn’t think anything of it at first when spring break began, the first few pictures I thought might just be coincidences,”  Johnson said. “But by the end of the week, I just couldn’t avoid the truth anymore. Somehow, almost everyone I know ended up in some incredible, exotic location for their spring break.”

A quick glance through Johnson’s Instagram feed makes the picture clear: a long string of images, each one captioned about the user’s “life changing service experience,” their “incredible tour through Southeast Asia” or a “clever” and “original” caption about alcohol.

“It’s mind-boggling,” Johnson said “One week, we’re all sitting in class, commiserating about the money struggles of a college student and how we need a real job. Then somehow everyone I know is spending money on adventures all around the globe. What happened in the middle there? How did they budget for this?”

Indeed, Johnson’s finances seem sound. He showed reporters a detailed budget spreadsheet that he maintains regularly, all expenses carefully calculated. But there is not even a bit of wiggle room for such a trip.

A local financial advisor at a major company also confirmed that the trend was inexplicable: “These college students have barely any income, how are they possibly able to make such financial decisions?” the advisor said. “I have a full time job and I can barely afford a trip like this.”

Johnson is not the only student to have noticed this trend. Sophomore Emily Morris also had the same experience.

“I was just scrolling through my social media feeds one morning and suddenly realized I was the only person who wasn’t spending the break on a foreign beach,” Morris said. “Have the FAFSA people heard about this yet?”

Other students just felt confused. Junior Conor Lang felt that he had simply not known that this is what spring break was about.

“Honestly, I just wanted to sleep in for a few days,” Lang said. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to be having a life-changing experience. Sure, my few extra hours of shut-eye was nice, but it hardly changed my worldview. I didn’t expect anything quite so dramatic from a few days off.”

The students who own the Instagram accounts in question could not be reached for comment, as they were still on their flights at the time of publication.