This last week continued the common themes of weeks past. I saw myself become overwhelmed by work, and the realizations of home repairs. However, there were still small moments of joy I hope will begin to become more commonplace in the future.
Lamar University felt both like a sanctuary and an asylum this past week. Going to class helped me through some difficult situations, but also seemed to put me into some equally difficult ones. Classes are beginning to build to their climax as finals week approaches, and I have begun the preparations for the several papers looming over my head. It feels good to know I am almost finished with this semester, but it’s also terrifying to know that in a few weeks I will not have school to escape to.
The repairs on my damaged home continue to move at a painstakingly slow pace. The drywall is still incomplete even though it should have been finished at least two weeks ago. It will be another two weeks until we can even start on installing the new cabinets and countertops. The new flooring still needs to be chosen and installed. And on top of that, we will also need to decide on a color for each room, and then actually paint them. All in all, there is a greater number of things to be completed than I had anticipated would be left at this point when we first started repairs. I just hope we can make it back into our home before the Christmas holiday.
I’ve mentioned over the course of these installments I have been experiencing burnout to a seemingly worsening degree each week. This last week was no different from the rest. I continued to work myself to the point of exhaustion, and had several moments where I seemed to have lost myself. Now I know this is not the healthiest thing in the world, but I haven’t really had many other options. I have begun to scale back my workload a little bit which has somewhat helped. This has let me have some peace of mind, and allowed me some much-needed rest in the process. I am hopeful once the school year ends I will be able to take a few weeks off to simply rest and reset. Even though I will have home repairs to work on, I believe I will finally be able to get back to being a fully functioning and sane human being once again.
It’s almost unbelievable to me it has been three months since Hurricane Harvey disrupted my life. I would’ve never thought I would be without my home or peace of mind, but Hurricane Harvey took that from me. I know one day I will be able to stand in a downpour of rain, and not be taken back to the fateful night that has caused me so much pain, but I just don’t know when this day will come.
This is the final installment of the Dispatch from Lamar.