A satire on gender and sexual assault

Harvey Weinstein has been accused in recent weeks of sexually assaulting dozens of women over the past three decades. As more and more renowned actresses continue to come forward with their stories, men around the country were shocked and horrified, while women were slightly less shocked at the blatant abuses one man could inflict on many women. We asked the Jones family for their opinions on the scandal.

James Jones, husband, father and local stockbroker, was shocked by the Weinstein allegations.

“I really couldn’t believe it. How could one man get away with that for years? It is completely shocking to me that a man in a position of power would ever abuse his status to take advantage of a woman,” Jones said, completely unaware of his wife of 23 years, Helen, putting her palm to her face in the doorway. “Thankfully this is probably a rare case,” Jones continued. “I can’t imagine such misogynistic behavior happens all that often in the workplace.”

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Helen, a lifelong secretary, added, “Somehow I am less surprised.”
We found one of the Jones’ family sons, Carl, 19, with his girlfriend, Matilda, in the living room.

“It is horrible that one man could do that, but it’s not like there’s anything I can really do about that. I really don’t see any way in which my words or actions could ever contribute to a culture that allows such a thing!” Carl claimed, looking up from his Kate Upton- themed computer background.

“Yep, totally absurd,” an exasperated Matilda responded. “Ridiculous to think that sexist jokes and the constant commodification of women’s bodies in media could have anything to do with that.”

The youngest Jones child, Earl, 14, said from his bedroom, “Yeah that is pretty bad. I guess it’s just a product of the world he grew up in though, right? I mean, the culture has definitely changed a lot since then.”
As Earl returned to his video game featuring female characters of absurd and unnatural proportions, his sister Linda shook her head, mouthing to reporters “How does he not know?”

Well, one thing is for sure,” said our final interviewee, the eldest son, Ishmael, a recent college graduate returning home from his new hamster farming job.

“I am in no way complicit in anything having to do with this scandal. I sure am glad that my sexist tendencies only affect a handful of women close to me. Once you get up into the dozens, that is a little too far for…” His final comments could not be transcribed, as they were cut off by the collective sighs of every woman on the planet.