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The Hawk News

The Student News Site of St. Joseph's University

The Hawk News

The Student News Site of St. Joseph's University

The Hawk News

Begging for better grades

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GRAPHIC: SADIE HENZES ’24/THE HAWK

With finals week just around the corner, everyone is stressed. If you are the kid in the back of the class with the $55 planner you meticulously note each activity and assignment with, you’re ready. You have your next two weeks planned already, and you know when each final is and how to study. If that’s you, then this article is not for you. You’re wasting the five minutes of your scheduled break. Flip to another page.

This is for the kids whose backpacks always crinkle when they pull their notebook out because of all the papers shoved in there from God-knows-what. You’re thinking to yourself that you still have a week, you’re chilling. But come next week, the procrastinating is done. It is now time to cry to your professors while they still have office hours available.

Yeah, I’m speaking to you. The one with five missing homework assignments and a 27% attendance grade. The professor saying that four unexcused absences will result in failure of the course is merely a suggestion. Here are a few simple steps to beg that professor to throw their late policy out the window and to convince them that attendance requirement doesn’t matter.

1. Show up to class. Little known fact: professors actually expect you to come to basically ALL classes. I know, ridiculous. However, in these last few weeks, it is crucial that you show up and participate. With any luck, your professor will have a short-term memory and think you have been there the whole semester.

2. Office hours are your best friend. People who show up to office hours give the appearance of someone who cares. So, sign up for those office hours or just pop right in. There’s probably no one meeting with the professor anyway. And, here’s a fun tip: anyone can show up to office hours. It doesn’t even need to be your professor. Just walk right in.

3. Withdraw: Because we only take W’s.

4. Excuses are going to come in handy right now. Open up the good ol’ notebook of excuses you have been saving for this very instance and get going. Oh, you guys don’t have that? Well either way, the sadder the excuse, the better. I recommend: your grandma died. It’s the perfect excuse and there’s a good chance she actually is dead, so you’re not lying! Who cares that she died six years ago? So, email your professor, or even better, cry to your professor during office hours. You just need to either cry on command or purchase fake tears for when you plan to ask your professor to round your 40% in the class up to a 93%. It’s what Gram-gram would have wanted.

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