At some point in your college career, you’ll be waking up at 7 a.m. to get to your 8 a.m. class. It’s inevitable. Or, if you’re like me, you’ll be waking up at 8:44 a.m. for your 8 a.m. class. They’re the bane of every college student’s existence: waking up as the sun rises, dragging ourselves out of the warm comfort of our beds and stumbling through the halls of academia. But fear not, I am here to provide you with some tips and tricks to survive your early-morning classes.
Waking up with a coffee addiction: At some point, your body will adjust to coffee, and it just won’t work anymore. Or, you’ll eventually become so addicted to caffeine that you’ll have a pounding headache if you don’t constantly drink it. That’s normal. Invest in a portable IV drip and fill it with your choice of caffeinated beverage. I recommend straight espresso or a Monster energy drink. As far as I can tell, there are no researched health defects caused by injecting these straight into your bloodstream. So, drink up!
Personal hygiene: Waking up late for your 8 a.m. means you’ll have to rush your morning routine. That’s why things like dry shampoo and wet wipes are your best friend. Though, speaking from personal experience, don’t use Lysol wipes, especially in sensitive areas. Just don’t. Embrace the messy hair, pajamas and the “I don’t even care anymore” aesthetic with pride because when you’re running on three hours of sleep, that’ll be the end result.
Engaging in class: Studies have shown that 87% of professors report that the time slot with the least class participation is during 8 a.m. classes, followed closely by those at 9 a.m. I made that up, but it’s probably true. Either way, you’re going to be exhausted and half asleep the whole class. Caught staring into space? Simply say you’re pondering the mysteries of the universe or contemplating the meaning of life — it’s called multitasking. Caught flat-out falling asleep? Say “studies show you take in more information right before you fall asleep.” Professors won’t argue if you say “studies show.”
When all else fails: Start working on your excuse game. Think up a list of good ones like, “Traffic was bad.” Sure, I was walking from Villiger Hall (a five minute walk away from class), but I’m sure traffic was bad. Or, “I fell in a hole at the construction site.” There’s so much construction happening on campus, they won’t argue with you. Another is, “The assigned reading made me rethink my existence. Thank you for assigning it.” Your professor will be so flattered that they’ll forget you were even late in the first place.