The enduring importance of chivalry

I usually struggle with the idea of chivalry because of my stubborn and independent qualities. I pointedly tell my boyfriend that I can carry my own bags up a snowy hill, even if I’m clearly slipping and sliding around. It takes a lot to remind myself that he offered out of respect and accepting his offer doesn’t somehow weaken my stance as a feminist.

Chivalry has always carried a somewhat negative connotation with it, since it does harken back to the Medieval period when knights were expected to prove their skill. For some reason, the modern translation seems to be that men must cater to women, pay for the first date, etc. But it’s not just an expectation of men, and it’s not just for the dating process—it’s a courteousness that strengthens relationships.

With the advent of social media, instant messaging and online dating, I see the world picking up pace around me. Even online dating has boomed, with the percentage of Americans aged 18-24 who use the service jumping from 10 percent in 2013 to 27 percent in 2016. While the hookup culture may become less taboo for Millennials and younger generations, that doesn’t mean we can’t still set high expectations for ourselves. Respect is a prerequisite for a relationship of any kind, whether it’s with a significant other, a family member or anyone else.

We all have time to make sure that chivalry doesn’t die in this world. Taking a moment to hold a door for someone can change a day. It’s great that Saint Joseph’s University students strive for these little acts of kindness, like door-holding, and I always try to brighten someone’s day when I can.

Most of us have even forgotten our simple habits like writing an actual, physical letter. What’s wrong with picking up a pencil and writing a letter anymore? It’s like when your parents forced you to hand write thank you cards after every holiday and birthday, but continuing this thoughtful habit throughout your life. Before I moved into college, I made sure to go and buy a pack of thank you cards and blank cards (yes, I found some with cute little whales on them.) just to ensure that I don’t forget the value of mail. After every holiday, I make time to sit down and either write a thank you note on paper or draft a meaningful text. Plus, it’s always fun to receive mail, so I figure what goes around comes around (in a positive way).

You may groan at the thought of having to sit down and hand write a letter when clearly iMessage and Snapchat were invented for a reason, but it strengthens relationships. I promise you will make anyone’s day if you decide to send them a card. Or, if you have a significant other, surprise him or her with a love letter. My boyfriend and I always write letters back and forth throughout the school year, adding to a bucket list that we promise to complete when we’re together. It’s a way to strengthen our relationship, not a chore.

If that’s too much effort to begin with though, even something as simple as always saying ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ proves that you have time in your day for thoughtfulness. My mother has recently learned of bitmoji, and when she greets me in the morning with a cute, little cartoon character, I can’t help but smile.

While we aren’t living during the Medieval period and chivalry doesn’t require a knight in shining armor to win over a stunned female anymore, it’s still a simple way to brighten someone’s day and encourage growth in relationships. Chivalry isn’t outdated and it’s not sexist. We all need to put on our armor sometimes, and prove our own valor for the ones we care about.